TO: Pernicious Prostate Cancer
RE: Illegal Squatting
This is your 45-day notice — you are hereby ORDERED to vacate the premises effective no later than December 8, 2025, at 7:30 AM.
Your lease violations include: unauthorized and unscheduled cell division in non-zoned areas; willful disruption of peace and tranquility (violation of the Anxiety-Free Living Act); blatant ageism (targeting a body that’s doing just fine, thank you very much); failure to remit rent or contribute to the overall wellness and maintenance of the premises; malicious, premeditated destruction of property with intent to cause harm, and other various homophobic behavior.
Dr. Reiter, the Director of the Prostate Cancer Program at UCLA will escort you out. Any attempt to return will be met with extreme prejudice.
Consider this your final warning: VACATE THE PREMISES.
Signed,
- Management
It’s been a while since I posted, but the time has come for an update. I’m about 45 days out from surgery to remove my prostate, and everything is getting very, very real.
The getting-ready story — 62 pounds, the elliptical every morning, and one mechanical bull — lives in Live Like You Were Dying.
The journey continues,
-rp